Self-image
It is important that we become acquainted with ourselves; that we are able to see and accept, and then do something about the things we want to change. The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. And if that relationship isn’t working, most likely none of the others will either.
Is there anyone in your life that you feel is more valuable than you? If so, you should work on strengthening your self-esteem. This is also necessary if there is anyone in your life that you look down on, and regard as less valuable than yourself. Not until you regard everyone, high or low, rich or poor, wise or foolish, young or old, as equal beings, even if they do things differently from you, will you have a sound self-esteem.
When your self-esteem is high, you will not be interested in competing with anyone but yourself.
Self-confidence
Self-confidence is a feeling that you can handle things. Your self-confidence is the conviction you have about your own ability in various areas.
Self-confidence comes from your achievements. It is dependent upon competence and success and getting others’ approval and appreciation for what you do. You may have a lot of self-confidence in certain areas and none whatsoever in others.
Self-esteem
Self-esteem has to do with how you feel about yourself. It is the platform for all your thoughts about yourself. Self-esteem is a sense of identity and a sense of value that comes from who you are. Self-esteem grows stronger when you are seen and appreciated and is developed by your assumption that you are okay just the way you are. It remains fairly unaffected by achievements.
Good self-esteem also functions as a sort of spiritual immunity system and offers you protection, strength, and the ability to bounce back from whatever hits you.
Train your self-confidence regularly
A major obstacle against development is the problem of cowardice. Not daring to do something has to do with poor self-esteem. If your only sense of your own value is in what you do, what you achieve, then your mistakes will seem terribly serious. You cannot allow yourself to fail.
It is important that you regularly train your self-confidence so that you dare to believe in your own resources. Then you will also dare to have inspiring and provocative dreams and ideas for the future, and you will believe in your own ability to make these come true.
Afraid of becoming obnoxious?
Will you be running the risk of becoming terribly self-centered and stuck up if your self-confidence is too high? No! Self-centeredness and general obnoxiousness are often signs of lack of self-confidence. It is when someone tries to hide insecurities that obnoxiousness comes to the surface. Healthy self-confidence and high self-esteem create an inner sense of security that need not be demonstrated. They shine through anyway.
How can you better your self-image?
You can choose to acquire the personality that would attract you most, starting today. That’s right, you can choose. You have already, through the various choices you have made in life, shown what sort of person you wanted to become.
If you want to increase your self-esteem, the bottom line is you have to take responsibility for yourself. You are responsible for the thoughts you have, as well as for all of your actions and reactions.
If you blame others for your situation, you are turning over that responsibility to them. Avoiding the decision-making process that could change your life for the better is, in effect, the same as allowing other people to make those important decisions about your life. This is not good for your self-esteem. It is possible to get out of the trap that poor self-esteem and self-confidence put you in. The solution is self-awareness and regular practice.
Say "I" when you express yourself
Speak in the first person to show that what you are saying applies to you - that you are talking about your own feelings or opinions. Many people avoid using the word "I" because they fear they may appear selfish, or because they fear their personal opinions may be challenged. In either case they are afraid of conflict, afraid of being judged. When you use the word "I" when you express yourself, you take responsibility for what you say.
Express what you think and feel
Don’t wait for somebody else to say what you thought you might. Speaking your mind is good for your self-respect, especially if you are brave enough to do so before you know what others think.
Speak kindly to and of yourself
How many negative messages go through your head every day? No wonder your self-esteem is low! Day in and day out we feed our minds all kinds of terrible and unfair statements about ourselves. Often, we even freely express these unfair judgments to others. Never let an unkind word about yourself cross your lips! (And try not to even think them!)
Dare to try something new
Expand your horizons and do things you’ve never done before. Step out of your safety zone. You can do a lot more than you think! Within the safety zone all you have are the same old things you’ve done so often that you’re comfortable doing them again. Be bold! Try your wings!
Make use of your possibilities
We often talk about all the things we can’t do, or the things we do poorly. Take a good look at all the things you are good at, and develop some of them!
Give and accept compliments
Expressing appreciation for, or complimenting someone for things they’ve done well is hard for some people. How often do you remember, or take the time, to tell others how much you like, admire or appreciate them? For many people, the answer is all too seldom.
All compliments, if they are honestly expressed, strengthen the person receiving them. This creates a win-win situation. When you appreciate others, they appreciate you for expressing your appreciation, and positive energy is spread around, which is good for everybody.
This takes practice, so why not start today? Try at least once a day to honestly and clearly express something you like, admire, respect or appreciate about at least one other person, to that person.
Get some perspective
Whatever it is that is making you feel angry or disappointed today, ask yourself how important it will be to you next week, next year, or in ten years. Some things that upset us represent significant patterns that need to be dealt with today. But often we let little things upset us that would be forgotten tomorrow if it weren’t for all the fuss we made about them today.
Allow yourself to be anonymous
Try on a new you! People you have never met before have no idea how you normally behave, dress, or react. Try out a new personality when you are away from home.
Raise your focus
Poor self-esteem has a tendency to make us self-centered. We ask ourselves "What did I do wrong this time?" when someone is short-tempered with us. Remember, the universe does not revolve around you.
That short-tempered person has problems of his or her own! So lift your focus beyond your own concerns and see the rest of the world!
Don’t let others decide how you should be
You decide if you’re good enough as you are, or if there is something you want to develop. You can never find peace of mind trying to satisfy others.
Love yourself
If that sounds too heavy, start by at least liking yourself. You are unique, special, and totally amazing. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship in your life. If it’s not working, it will be difficult for you to make other relationships work.
If you can’t even give yourself support you can’t expect others to give you much support either. Give yourself that which you should have had as a child - unconditional love.
The only person you can change is yourself, so get started - make the best of your life and enjoy it to the full!
Re-printed with permission from Eva Johansson
