Dealing with Bullying
by Sally-Anne McCormack, Psychologist M.A.P.S.
www.psychonline.com.au
Children and adults sometimes face situations in their schools or their workplaces that cause them great stress and anxiety. Sometimes it is due to conflict/disagreements, difficulties with doing the assigned tasks, resentment of the position of others, or any other number of reasons. In some instances, it could be due to bullying.
The Department of Education & Training defines bullying as “… when someone, or a group of people, who have more power at the time deliberately upset or hurt another person, their property, reputation or social acceptance on more than one occasion.” (Student Wellbeing Branch, 2006).
Bullying may be subtle – it might be people talking about you and spreading rumours that are not true, or intentionally not including you in activities. It may be more obvious where they verbally address you in a negative way (such as through sarcasm, public humiliation, or explicit verbal abuse). Or it may even be physical – anywhere from touching to hitting and punching. It is NEVER acceptable in any form!
Regardless of whether it is a child or an adult who is being bullied, the most important thing to do is to tell someone. Share it with your family, a close friend, even a phone call to an organisation such as Lifeline. Finding the courage to talk about it to someone else helps to relieve some of the pressure and may even help you develop some clarity in the situation. If it is happening at school, tell a teacher. If you are a parent of a child being bullied, try to encourage your child to deal with it first, but keep a close eye on the situation, and meet with relevant staff if it continues. At work, there may be other factors to consider first (such as the position that the bully holds in the company or the culture of the organisation as to whether they will act or not).
Some Australian statistics suggest that bullying may affect up to one in six students (Rigby, 1996). A New South Wales survey in 2005 found that 23% of young people (teenagers) reported being bullied in the workplace, with 31% of 21 – 25 year olds being bullied, the majority of whom were female (NSW Dept of Commerce, 2005).
When someone is being bullied, they may display a variety of symptoms such as:
- Sleep difficulties (insomnia, nightmares)
- Withdrawing from loved ones (eg. not telling them about what is happening)
- Refusing to go to work or school
- Nausea, headaches, heart palpitations in the mornings
- Not turning up to work or school
- Poor work/school performance
- Symptoms of depression and anxiety
- Unexplained cuts, bumps and bruises
- Aggressive and unreasonable behaviours – lashing out at home
Victims of bullying may have difficulty concentrating, and over time it can lead to negative effects on self-esteem and self-worth. There are also negative effects for those who witness bullying incidents. The bystanders themselves may feel helpless, guilty, too afraid to report it, or even worse, they may be drawn into participating in the bullying by the perpetrator. Sometimes they feel compelled to take part in the harassment for fear of themselves becoming the victim.
There are a number of things that you can do to help yourself:
- Talk to someone you trust
- Do not retaliate (physically or verbally) or let the bully see how upset you are
- Remember – you are NOT to blame for their actions (if you seek the assistance of a psychologist, you may learn some assertiveness skills to help reduce the risk of being bullied in other situations)
- Also seek help in restoring your self-confidence and self-esteem if these have been whittled away over time
- Pretend to be confident (regardless of how you feel inside). Walk tall, make eye contact – you may be less likely to be singled out
- Try to make friends at work/school. The phrase “there’s safety in numbers” can be true in these situations
- Avoid situations that are likely to put you at risk of bullying
If you witness bullying either in the workplace or at school, here are some steps that you can take:
- Stand firm – do not participate in the bullying. Understand that this can be difficult because of fear of retaliation from the bully
- Defuse a situation if possible (but do not place yourself in harm’s way)
- Get help immediately (again, if it does not place you at risk)
- Offer support to the victim (in private if you are unable to approach them at the time)
- Encourage them to TELL TELL TELL someone that they trust (or YOU tell if they are unwilling or unable to seek assistance).
Bullying is unacceptable and cannot be tolerated. The long-term effects are well documented in the literature. There are many degrees of bullying, from intermittent rumour-mongering to severe physical harm. Most schools and businesses have anti-bullying policies in place. Investigate - if your work or school does not have a policy, then offer to help them write one!
NSW Department of Commerce, Office of Industrial Relations 2005. Young People and Work Survey 2005: Summary & key findings.
Rigby, K. (1996) Bullying in schools - and what to do about it. Melbourne: ACER.
Student Wellbeing Branch, 2006. Safe schools are effective schools – A resource for developing a safe and supportive school environments: Department of Education & Training.
