This page created 19th October, 2007

At this time of year, those families who have an adolescent in secondary school (particularly the final years) are often experiencing a definite tension in the air. Many of these teens have books strewn across their rooms, they may have music blaring until all hours of the morning, and their general hygiene may have deteriorated. Bloodshot eyes, messy hair, and an overriding sense that if you attempt to communicate with them, they will eat you for breakfast. Exam time is here!

There is a great amount of pressure placed on these students. Some of it is from external sources (parents telling them all their lives how important it is to do well academically, schools repeatedly informing them of how difficult it is to get into specific university courses or apprenticeships, and the government testing them at regular intervals to make sure that they are reaching particular benchmarks). For some, this may inspire them to work harder to achieve their goals, but for others, it makes them feel that they are not good enough and they may constantly feel inferior. Pressure may also come from within themselves. Perfectionist children are not satisfied with “second-best”. Their expectations of their abilities may not always be realistic, and could even cause them to “give-up” if they feel they cannot live up to their potential.

Parents are in a quandary – do they summon up the courage to approach their teen and offer to help them study? Do they keep to the house routine and insist that the teen continue to contribute to their regular household chores? Do they “ground” them and not allow them to socialize in the week(s) leading up to the dreaded days?

There are no simple answers to these very complex questions. Much of it depends on the demeanor of the child, your relationship with them, the rules that have been established previously over time, and how well or poorly the child is dealing with the stress. Obviously we should not heap undue pressure on them at their greatest time of stress, but it is important for us to note how well (or not!) they are coping. Are their reactions appropriate to the situation, or are they unreasonable? If your response is the latter, then after the exams are over, it is time to teach more suitable behaviours. For example, you may point out to your child the value of writing up a specific timetable for studying – one that is manageable and realistic.

"The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand."
Vince Lombardi