Toilet Phobia Tackled
Tony first became aware he had a problem in his late teens when he began socialising in pubs and clubs
He'd hang out with his mates, have a few drinks and laughs, chat to girls, listen to bands and have a great time. When eventually nature called, he'd head for the men's room but find himself standing in front of the urinal, unable to go with other people around. The harder he tried, the more he couldn't. He needed privacy.
"I don't remember having a problem at school, but when I walked into the toilets at a pub or any other public place and there was somebody already at the urinal, I felt enormous guilt and shame and just couldn't go to the toilet," said the 41-year-old from Wodonga.
"I felt different, like I was less of a man and it just got worse over time." He couldn't talk to anyone about it and soon it began to affect his social life. "I would make up excuses and decline invitations to social events if they were in a public place because I knew I would never be able to go to the toilet, "he said.
"Things that involved drinking like concerts, festivals and car trips with the boys were excruciation, I would be in so much pain because I just couldn't urinate."
He even structured his career - becoming a self-employed sole-trader, to avoid the problem.
"The funny thing is that I am otherwise a perfectly normal person, I'm really sociable and certainly no recluse," he said.
Tony denied the problem stemmed from confused sexuality, homophobia or being prudish about nudity.
"I played football and had no problem getting changed in front of other guys in the locker room," he said.
So after more than 20 years of suffering in silence, Tony saw a doctor and discovered his problem was something else entirely. Like 1.3 million men and women in Australia , he suffered from paruresis, the medical term for an embarrassing problem often called shy bladder syndrome.
Paruretics find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public toilet and sometimes even in their own bathrooms at home if someone else is near enough to see or hear.
It's a social phobia so common experts believe it's second only to a fear of public speaking.
Internet research revealed the true extent of Tony's little-discussed anxiety disorder: international support groups and famous sufferers including Oprah Winfrey, Andrew Denton and US shock jock Howard Stern.
To his relief, he also came across US top-selling book Shy Bladder Syndrome: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Paruresis by Us Professor Dr Steven Soifer (New Harbinger Press, about $40).
A professor of social work at the University of Maryland and a long-time paruretic, Dr Soifer now holds weekend workshops all around the world. They include learning to talk about the problem and, after loading up on water, tea and coffee, practising using a variety of public amenities under stressful conditions.
An optional "graduation" is held in public facilities such as a football stadium or shopping centre.
"There are two components to paruresis," Dr Soifer said on a recent visit to Melbourne . "It's partly a social anxiety, the fear of not being able to go with others around. "But there is also medical evidence that it's caused by a chronic pelvic floor dysfunction, so it's a classic mind-body problem." He said the condition was more common in men, especially in Australia , because of the way bathrooms were designed.
"I am absolutely appalled that almost every men's restroom I go into in Australia has trough urinals," he said. "It's disgusting standing there and urinating against a stainless steel wall - I've never been to another Western country where this is the case.
"In the US , urinals at least have wings or dividers between them."
Dr Soifer has made if his mission to bring shy bladder syndrome out of its water closet and is delighted that TV shows including ER, Scrubs, Seinfeld, Ally McBeal and Veronica's Closet have included shy bladder sketches.
"When you start hearing jokes about paruresis on TV, you know it's a problem just below the surface of public consiousness."
After Dr Soifer's workshop in Melbourne , Tony has had some success using the men's toilet in a large suburban shopping centre, but he's optimistic he'll improve.
"There's no miracle cure, I have to keep practising, but my next challenge is to start telling my friends about it and getting my life back.
For more information, email the Paruresis Association of Australia on recov2000@hotmail.com
By Fay Burstin - Herald Sun
Re-printed with permission.
